ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
