I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
