I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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