We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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