you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
