So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
