i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
