did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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