If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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