Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
