Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Randomize
