I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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