i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
