i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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