I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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