my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
