he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
