Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
