Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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