My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
