what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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