So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
