Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
