I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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