I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
