Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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