Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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