carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
