let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
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