Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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