My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
