my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize