Just cropdusted the office
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
