Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
