I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
