Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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