remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
