i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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