So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
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