I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
