She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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