super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I will pee on everything he values.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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