What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
