You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
