well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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