I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
