He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
