I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
