I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
