So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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