Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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