There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think I sprained my soul last night
I can't turn off my feet"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
