forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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