Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
