That's intense
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
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I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize