last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
