coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
