I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
