considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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