the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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