I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
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We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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