You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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