just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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