i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
