went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
