The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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