Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
