Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
