All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
