Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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