your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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