At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
