morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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